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When it comes to needlessly explaining the 3,000% self-explanatory, though, this guy has to be the undisputed world champion: I MEAN COME RIGHT THE FUCK ON, DUDE. He, too, would like to reassure you that he’s straight edge, but he also doesn’t want you to know what he looks like because if there’s one thing you don’t wanna share on a dating website it’s your looks. I realize this is the second piece I’ve written today which could be considered “pro-drug,” and that this may lead some of you to worry about me. Like I told all those people at my intervention last week, I so DO NOT have a problem!

As a bonus, he’s so invested in finding someone via this site that he spent zero whole seconds thinking of his user name: There are some scene kids on the site, though, who appear to be just the regular amount of cliché and stupid, not extra-super-duper-maximum-strength dumb and boiler plate: And then there’s this girl who is obsessed with unicorns: So what are you waiting for, three straight edge readers of Metal Sucks? I just traded my sister to this guy for a bag of weed: P. [ Metal Sucks will be closed Monday in observance of Martin Luther King Day, but we return Tuesday with more premieres, more interviews, more snark, more everything.

I totally understand why it works, but I also find it really, really funny.

The latest site to idiot-proof online dating is Date Edge, which, if the name didn’t tip you off, is specifically for straight edge people.

He makes his teammates better, his basketball IQ is through the roof.

I used to try his moves in high school."During the video game session, Griner digs through into an endless bag of carry out, devouring burgers in a couple of bites."She's still on that fast food, eat-whatever-you-want, allergic-to-vegetables diet, but I'm not going to tell her to stop," Gaines says.

"We went out to dinner to this steak restaurant and she ordered the ribeye, and then straight up killed a sundae.

She put them both down like nothing."Over the course of a two-day interview with USA TODAY Sports, Griner recalls a time when there were more tears than smiles. The name calling still resonates, and to this day she endures online jabs questioning her femininity among other things."The bullying I dealt with as a child was very tough. "Those people would say their mean things, ignorant things, and go about their business and have a great day while I'd be sitting there crying, hating everything, not wanting to be around. Now, I can relate to a younger crowd or anyone who's gone through bullying.""You've gotta smile in everyone's face, even if you're crying on the inside," Griner says.But it's going to take time for her to adjust and dominate. She signed a multi-year deal with Zheijiang Chouzhou of China, with plans to play from October through February. "Most athletes act all unhuman and you can't relate to them. During a game of NBA 2K13, Griner is quick to pick the Miami Heat as her team.Suddenly, the most recognizable women's basketball player can't stop gushing about the most recognizable men's basketball player."I love Le Bron (James). "Ever since he came into the league, he's just had that graceful power.Thirty minutes before a doctor's appointment to determine the status of a left knee sprain that kept Griner out of her fourth professional game, the 22-year-old is constantly joking and smiling.Since being selected by the Phoenix Mercury as the top pick in April's WNBA draft, Griner is getting a chance to do something that has eluded her for so long.In the Mercury's season-opening game against the Chicago Sky — Griner's first in the league — she threw down two power dunks in the most-viewed WNBA telecast on ESPN2 in nine years.