The confusing part is, when we did have sex, he had no problem getting it up.There are gay men who get nauseous thinking about a woman sexually—Aaron isn't one of them. Only later did I find out he had developed a fetish for hairy men.
MC: How does Aaron feel about your book—no pun intended—coming out? Strangely, the person who helped me through the breakup was Aaron.He let me call him and scream, and he got me through it.MC: Freshly single, you say you "self-medicated with sex." Can you explain? It gave me a dopamine rush in the same way that drugs and alcohol affect your brain.Soon, I couldn't just sit home on a Sunday night and read. The only solution was to get dressed and go to a bar to find a guy.People my age envy me and wish they have the work ethics I have.
They think that my life is perfect because of what I have and everything I have accomplished, but being a scared "closet gay", they don't know the imprisonment lifestyle I am living.
Their e-mails were part of a fantasy, they were not reality.
When I read that he was developing real-life feelings for his lover, I realized why he chose to tell me when he did.
He said, "I'm having issues with my sexuality—I'm fantasizing about going down on men." I laughed. Then he burst into wracking sobs, and my whole body went cold. I opened a bottle of wine and started chain smoking and firing angry and tearful questions at him in disbelief until we were both exhausted and the sun came up.
This was a man who never even let me touch his butt! A few days later I kicked him out and cried my eyes out before settling into a catatonic state.
MC: In retrospect, were there red flags that he was gay and cheating?